How The Grinch Stole Christmas
by asuka02redeva
Summary: What happens when Malik gets an awful idea?


Asuka02RedEva  
  
Serenitymoon@lycos.com  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" it is written by Dr. Seuss, and I do not own any of the characters used within this story.  
  
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This was just something I thought of the other day, and because I'm sleep deprived and sick, I thought that perhaps a little humor would be a nice change. Don't take any of this seriously, it's just meant to brighten your day. Hope you enjoy.   
  
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Every Who   
  
Down in Who-ville (zoom in on Anzu, Jou, Honda, and poor Yami being dragged behind them as they did some last minute shopping)   
  
Liked Christmas a lot...  
  
But the Grinch,   
  
Who lived just north of Who-Ville,   
  
Did NOT!  
  
Malik: *looking at all of their happy faces, through one of his mind slaves eyes.*   
  
The Grinch hated Christmas!   
  
The whole Christmas season!   
  
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.   
  
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.   
  
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.   
  
But I think that the most likely reason of all   
  
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.  
  
But,   
  
Whatever the reason,   
  
His heart or his shoes,   
  
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos,  
  
Malik: I hate the Pharaoh! I really hate him!  
  
Bakura: Yes, yes...you've said this all before...  
  
Malik: Shut up! I shall find a way to ruin the Pharaoh's day...  
  
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Grinchy frown (zoom in on Malik's sour Grinchy frown),   
  
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.   
  
For he knew every Who down in Who-ville beneath   
  
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath (zoom in on Anzu hanging a wreath and Yami slowly backing away).   
  
Malik: And they're hanging their stockings! *he snarled with a sneer* Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!   
  
Then he growled with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming...  
  
Malik: I must find some way to stop Christmas from coming!  
  
For tomorrow he knew...  
  
...All the Who girls and boys  
  
Would wake up bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!  
  
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!  
  
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!  
  
Malik: *imaging the Pharaoh and the Pharaoh's vessel's friends; playing new video games on their Play Station 2's*   
  
Then the Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.  
  
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!  
  
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!  
  
They would start on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast-beast  
  
Which was something the Grinch couldn't stand in the least!  
  
Malik: *imaging the Pharaoh sitting at a table with lots and lots of food* ...  
  
And THEN  
  
They'd do something he liked least of all!  
  
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,  
  
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.  
  
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing (zoom in on Yami having to hold hands with Anzu and Jou wishing to die)!  
  
They'd sing! And they'd sing!  
  
AND they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!  
  
And the more the Grinch thought of the Who-Christmas-Sing  
  
The more the Grinch thought,  
  
Malik: I must stop this whole thing! Why for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!  
  
Bakura: Fifty-three years???   
  
Malik: ...Ok...6 months...since I found the Pharaoh...  
  
Bakura: ...continue...your ranting is amusing...  
  
Malik: I MUST stop Christmas from coming! ...But HOW?  
  
Then he got an idea!  
  
And awful idea!  
  
THE GRINCH  
  
GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!  
  
Malik: I know just what to do!   
  
The Grinch laughed in his throat.  
  
And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.  
  
And he chuckled, and clucked,  
  
Malik: What a great Grinchy Trick!  
  
Bakura: *arching an eyebrow* Grinchy Trick? What the hell have you been into?  
  
Malik: Shut up and let me continue...  
  
Bakura: ...Don't let me stop you, I just wish I had a camera...  
  
Malik: With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick! All I need is a reindeer...  
  
The Grinch looked around  
  
But since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.  
  
Did that stop the old Grinch...?  
  
No! The Grinch simply said,  
  
Malik: If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!  
  
So he called over Bakura   
  
Then he took some red tread   
  
And he tied a big horn on top of his head.  
  
Bakura: What the hell do you think you're doing?! I refuse to wear this!   
  
Malik: If you go along with my little scheme not only will the Pharaoh's plans be foiled but I shall give you the Millennium Rod as well.  
  
Bakura: *grumbling* ...Deal...  
  
THEN  
  
He loaded some bags  
  
And some old empty sacks  
  
On a ramshackle sleigh  
  
And he hitched up old Bakura.  
  
Bakura: My life officially sucks, must think about getting the Millennium Rod...will do it for that...  
  
Malik: Giddyap!  
  
Bakura: ...Must also find out what Malik has been smoking...  
  
And the sleigh started down   
  
Toward the homes where the Whos  
  
Lay a-snooze in their town.  
  
Malik: Faster! Faster!  
  
Bakura: I'm going! I'm going! *grumbling as he pulls the sleigh and Malik's fat ass along with it*  
  
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.  
  
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care  
  
When he came to the first house in the square.  
  
Malik: This is stop number one  
  
The old Grinchy Claus hissed  
  
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.  
  
Bakura: Careful, the roof looks icey...  
  
Malik: Would you shut up?! *slips and falls flat on his face*  
  
Bakura: *snickering*   
  
Then he slid down the chimney (zoom in on Malik trying to squeeze down the chimney), A rather tight pinch.  
  
But if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch.  
  
Malik: If Santa can shimmy his fat ass down here, so can I!  
  
Bakura: *prays that no one sees him* ...Remember the Millennium Rod...that's all that matters...  
  
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.  
  
Malik: Dammit!  
  
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue  
  
Malik: ACK! FIRE! Who puts a fire in the fire place on Christmas Eve?! Demon children! That's who!   
  
Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row,  
  
Malik: These stockings, *he grinned* are the first things to go!  
  
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,  
  
Around the whole room, and he took every present!  
  
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!  
  
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!  
  
Malik: Who the hell gives plums for Christmas? *takes a bite* ...Not bad...save those for later...*shoves the others in his pockets*   
  
And then he stuffed them in bags. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,  
  
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!  
  
Malik: *has already seen to the fire in the fireplace* Bakura! Get your ass up on the roof and grab these bags!   
  
Bakura: *grumbling* ...Yeah, yeah...I'm coming...  
  
Then he slunk to the icebox.   
  
Malik: Don't mind if I do...  
  
He took the Whos' feast!  
  
He took the Who-pudding  
  
He took the roast beast!  
  
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.  
  
Why, that Grinch even took their last can of Who-hash!  
  
Malik: *picking teeth with a toothpick*  
  
Then he stuffed all of the food up the chimney with glee (all that was left that is).  
  
Malik: Bakura, I got you a snack!   
  
Bakura: *grabs the bag only to find some odds and ends* ...A leg of roast...something...you shouldn't have...  
  
Malik: Yeah, yeah, I know...*he turned around* And NOW! *he grinned* I will stuff up the tree!  
  
And the Grinch grabbed the tree, and he started to shove  
  
Bakura: ACK! ACK! Not so fast! *tree hits him head on, after popping half out of the chimney...and he goes rolling off the roof with a THUD*  
  
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove  
  
Malik: ...Definitely not Bakura, *see Bakura smack into the snow through the window behind him*  
  
He turned around fast and he saw a small Who!  
  
Rebecca: *arching an eyebrow at "Santy Claus"*   
  
The Grinch had been caught by this little Who granddaughter  
  
Who'd got out of a bed for a cup of cold water.  
  
She stared at the Grinch and said,  
  
Rebecca: Santa, why are you stealing our Christmas Tree?  
  
But you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick   
  
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!  
  
Malik: Why my sweet little tot, *he lied*  
  
Rebecca: Dude, I'm 8...  
  
Malik: Work with me here, kid.   
  
Rebecca: *sighs* ...Go ahead...  
  
Malik: There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side. So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear. I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here.   
  
And his fib fooled the child  
  
Rebecca: Whatever, just leave the milk and cookies for me. I told Grandpa you didn't need them.  
  
Then he patted her head  
  
And got her a drink and he sent her to bed.  
  
Rebecca: ...*sweatdropping*...  
  
And when Rebecca Who went to bed with her cup,  
  
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!  
  
Rebecca: Grandpa, isn't going to believe this one...*shrugs and takes the cookies and milk with her*  
  
Then the last thing he took  
  
Was the log for their fire.  
  
Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar.  
  
On their walls he left nothing but hooks, and some wire.   
  
Malik: Bakura? Bakura? *looking around* ...Good for nothing...  
  
Bakura: *in a snow pile* ...Hate...my...life...  
  
And the one speck of food  
  
That he left in the house  
  
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.  
  
Malik: *peeks over the edge of the roof* Bakura! Stop fooling around!  
  
Bakura: *on his back in a snow pile, only a Bakura shaped hole* ...What the hell do you think I'm here doing? *sits up* Making a snow angel?  
  
Malik: Hurry up and put these bags in the sleigh! *tosses the bags one by one off the roof*  
  
Bakura: ...Like I'm really going to...*gets hit in the head by a bag*...  
  
Then  
  
He did the same thing   
  
To the other Whos' houses  
  
Leaving crumbs   
  
Much too small   
  
For the other Whos' mouses!  
  
It was quarter past dawn...  
  
All the Whos, still a-bed  
  
All the Whos, still a-snooze  
  
When he packed up his sled,  
  
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!  
  
The Tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!  
  
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Crumpit,  
  
He rode to the tiptop to dump it!  
  
Bakura: ...*grumbling*...Having a nice trip your highness? *pulling the sled up to the tip top of the mountain*  
  
Malik: Pooh-Pooh to the Whos! *he was grinch-ish-ly humming*  
  
Bakura: *sweatdrops* Pooh...Pooh...to the...Whos? *he thought* ...Definitely getting FAR FAR away with the Millennium Rod after we're done...  
  
Malik: They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming! They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do! Their mouths will hang open a minute or two. Then all the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry BOO-HOO! That's a noise *he grinned*, that I simply must hear!  
  
So he paused. And the Grinch put a hand to his ear.   
  
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.  
  
It started in low. Then it started to grow...  
  
Malik: What the hell is that noise?  
  
Bakura: *covering ears* ...It's evil whatever it is...  
  
But the sound wasn't sad!  
  
Why, this sound sounded merry!  
  
It couldn't be so!  
  
But it WAS merry! VERY!  
  
He stared down at Who-ville!  
  
The Grinch popped his eyes!  
  
Then he shook!  
  
What he saw was a shocking surprise!  
  
Every Who down in Who-ville, (zoom in on Yami and Kaiba standing there at the crack of dawn, wondering what the hell is going on) the tall and the small,  
  
Was singing! Without any presents at all!  
  
Yami: ...Aibou...what are we doing?  
  
Yuugi: Singing!  
  
Yami: What in Ra's name for?! I swear, I don't get this Christmas crap!  
  
All: *GASP*  
  
Kaiba: ...Nice going...now they'll probably stone us...  
  
Yami: ...Christmas...is...nice...*sweatdropping*  
  
All: *go back to singing*  
  
He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!  
  
IT CAME!  
  
Somehow or another, it came just the same!  
  
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,  
  
Stood Puzzling and puzzling:   
  
Malik: How can it be so?!  
  
Bakura: Why aren't you wearing any shoes?  
  
Malik: It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags!   
  
And he puzzled three hours, until his puzzler was sore.  
  
Malik: My puzzler is sore.  
  
Bakura: What the hell is a puzzler?!  
  
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!  
  
Malik: Maybe Christmas, *he thought*, doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!  
  
Bakura: *waving a hand in front of Malik's face* ...If your comatose does this mean that I can just take the Millennium Rod?  
  
And what happened then...?  
  
Well...in Who-ville they say  
  
That the Grinch's small heart  
  
Grew three sizes that day!  
  
Bakura: *holding up an ex-ray machine to Malik* ...Aw...dammit...  
  
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,  
  
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light  
  
Malik: Hurry! We must whiz with the load through the bright morning light!  
  
Bakura: *grumbles and pulls sleigh back down hill* ...I'm whizzing, I'm whizzing...*eyes grow wide as they pick up speed*   
  
*THUMP*  
  
Malik: Good job, Bakura...*smirking as they ride into town*  
  
Bakura: *now behind sleigh flapping madly in the breeze by a rope*   
  
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!  
  
Malik: Here, you are, *passes Christmas presents to Yuugi and his groupies, along with the Pharaoh and Kaiba* Merry Christmas!  
  
Yuugi's Groupies: Merry Christmas! *quickly open their gifts*  
  
Yami: ...*inspecting the nicely wrapped gift*...Don't open it...  
  
Kaiba: I wasn't planning on it...  
  
Yuugi: What did Santa bring you, Yami?  
  
Yami: Santa, didn't bring me anything, Aibou...a crazy Egyptian-  
  
Yuugi: *snags Yami and Kaiba's gifts and opens them* ...Awww...look what Santa brought you...  
  
Yami: *big sweatdrop forms* ...It's..so...so...  
  
Kaiba: *arches an eyebrow, looking down at his box as well* ...Words cannot describe it...  
  
Anzu: Awww...how cute, Yami, Santa brought you a stuffed teddy bear...*squeezes it and it says "Merry Christmas!"* Oh, look, Kaiba got a dolly...*squeezes it and it says "I'm hungry. I want my mommy!"*   
  
And he...  
  
...HE HIMSELF...!  
  
All Whos: *sitting around a big table*  
  
Yami: What the hell are we doing?  
  
Kaiba: ...I have no idea...*looks at the dolly that demands its lunch*...Evil...  
  
Yami: Agreed...and if this bear says "Merry Christmas" one more time...I'm gonna shove Christmas up its-  
  
Bakura: *grumbling, elbow propped up on the table, chin in hand*  
  
Yami: ...*snickers*...Had a bad day, Bakura?  
  
Kaiba: That's a good look for you...  
  
Bakura: *rips off the horn and tries to stab Yami with it, but table is too wide*  
  
The Grinch carved the roast beast!  
  
Malik: *carving away and passes out pieces on plates*  
  
Jou: *starts eating away*  
  
Yami: *looking down at his piece* ...Well, at least there's one less idiot in the world today, if it's poisoned...  
  
Kaiba: Mmmhmm...  
  
THE END  
  
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Hope you enjoyed it! Just a cute lil one shot that I thought may brighten someone's day. Merry Christmas! 


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